Happy... Mother's Day?

Well...it's Mother's Day. Happy? I wouldn't call it exactly that. For me, Mother's Day is the second hardest day for me of the entire year. The first is November 26th - Briana's birthday. And the one following that is - Mother's Day. Sometimes I feel like it's just not right. I should be "happy" right? I have two very beautiful and healthy children here with me on this earth and a wonderful husband to help me raise them. What more could a woman want?

Most days I think this way, but not today. Although I see and hear these two beautiful kids smiling at me and telling me "Happy Mother's Day Mommy" - it's like music to my ears. A few seconds later it hits me once again like a ton of bricks - but there should be THREE.

On Mother's Day I remember that first beautiful little girl that changed our world as we knew it. Briana Mae Meidam. I just wish for one thing to be different - I wish God would have let me "keep" her here. I know Briana is having a much happier time with Jesus in Heaven. She's a lucky little lady :) She's being cared for by someone who can do it WAY better than me. Someone who is more patient, more understanding, a better teacher and one who even loves her more than me (hard to believe that is possible). I know all of that, but it still doesn't change that ache in my heart. The feeling that someone is always missing is overwhelming today.

We went as a family to the cemetery today to "celebrate" Mother's Day. We brought Briana a pink rose (just like normal) and also found this cool flower with a glow in the dark ball in the middle of it. Grant and Alayna helped me put it in the ground and find the perfect spot for her rose.

Then I opened my gifts - a CD, book and wall hanging. Thanks to Grant, Alayna and Brian for the great gifts. Can't wait to listen, read and get the picture hung on the wall.

A big THANKS to Grant, Alayna and Brian for helping me through this day. I'm sorry that I was sad for much of the day. I LOVE hearing your laughs, seeing those big bright blue eyes, getting running hugs and lots of kisses. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But really - thanks for throwing a few extra hugs and kisses my way today - it was exactly what I needed and they helped me make it through. You guys are the best. Thanks for celebrating Mother's Day with me. I LOVE YOU!

Briana - I miss you more than words can say and think about you each day. I wish you were here but know you are Safe in HIS arms. I LOVE YOU. XOXOXOXO